When Life Feels Against You: How to Stop Feeling Powerless and Start Feeling Stronger
How to Lead Yourself Like You Matter | Jo Renshaw Coaching
Life doesn’t always go the way we plan. Sometimes it feels like no matter how hard you try, something, or someone, is standing in your way. A colleague undermines you in a meeting. Your boss doesn’t recognise your efforts. A partner lets you down. Even small setbacks, like losing focus on a project, can spiral into self-doubt and frustration.
When life feels against you, it’s natural to ask: “Why me?”
In this blog, you’ll learn a powerful shift that can stop you from feeling powerless and help you feel stronger, calmer, and more in control. We’ll explore:
Why your brain reacts the way it does when things go wrong.
The hidden cost of staying in the “why me?” cycle.
How a simple reframe can change everything.
Practical steps to apply this shift in your everyday life, even in tough situations.
By the end, you’ll see that the very challenges that feel like setbacks can actually be the training ground for your strength, leadership, and self-trust.
Why We Ask “Why Me?”
When something difficult happens, your brain’s first response is to protect you. It doesn’t want you to feel judged, uncomfortable, or unsafe. That’s why the automatic thought is often: “Why is this happening to me?”
It’s an understandable reaction. But the problem is, it leaves you stuck. You stay in the role of victim, convinced that the circumstances or other people have all the power.
Instead of moving forward, you loop in frustration:
“It’s not fair.”
“This always happens.”
“I can’t deal with this again.”
That inner narrative keeps you small, drained, and waiting for life to change before you can feel better.
Your Brain Loves Comfort, but Growth Lives in Discomfort
Here’s what’s really happening: your primitive brain is designed for survival, not growth. Its three key drives are to:
Avoid pain.
Seek comfort.
Conserve energy.
This system kept our ancestors alive, but in modern life it often holds us back. That’s why your brain tells you to avoid difficult conversations, hide from scrutiny, or buffer uncomfortable feelings with food, shopping, or scrolling.
But growth doesn’t happen in comfort. Growth requires you to step into discomfort, whether that’s speaking up in a meeting, holding your ground with a colleague, or staying present with your emotions instead of running from them.
One client described it perfectly. She used to believe that one day she’d “conquer” fear and anxiety completely, and finally reach a point where she never had to feel them again. But then she realised: the only way to eliminate fear entirely would be to shrink her life down so small that she never did anything brave again. And that wasn’t the life she wanted.
The Reframe That Changes Everything
Here’s where the shift comes in. Instead of asking:
“Why is this happening to me?”
Ask:
“How could this be happening for me?”
This question doesn’t deny that something is hard, unfair, or frustrating. But it gives you back your power. It moves you from helplessness to curiosity.
A colleague’s rudeness becomes practice in holding calm boundaries.
A project setback becomes training in resilience.
A difficult appraisal becomes an opportunity to back yourself and your worth.
The situation doesn’t change, but your relationship to it does.
From Powerless to Powerful: A Real Example
One of my clients, Sarah, spent months dealing with a toxic colleague. Every meeting felt like a battle. Every email was a trigger. At first, she asked herself constantly: “Why do I have to put up with this?”
She felt powerless, exhausted, and trapped.
But in coaching, she started exploring the question: “What if this is happening for me?”
That shift didn’t make her colleague’s behaviour okay. But it helped Sarah see what she was learning in the process: how to calmly assert her authority, communicate strategically, and hold her boundaries without losing her cool.
In the end, she didn’t just survive the situation. She became stronger, more respected, and more self-assured because of it.
That’s the power of the reframe.
How to Apply This Shift in Your Own Life
Here’s how you can begin using this perspective right now:
Notice the “Why me?” loop.
When something goes wrong and you hear yourself thinking “Why does this always happen to me?”, pause. Recognise it as your brain’s survival mode kicking in.Name the discomfort.
Ask yourself: “What’s the feeling I’m trying to avoid?” Often it’s fear of judgment, rejection, or failure. Simply naming it reduces its power.Ask a better question.
Try: “How could this be happening for me?” or “What am I learning right now?” Let curiosity replace resistance.Allow the emotion.
Remember: feelings are just vibrations in your body. They won’t harm you. The more you let yourself feel them, the less they control you.Spot the growth.
Write down one way the situation is shaping you, whether it’s patience, clarity, strength, or self-trust.
Over time, this practice transforms the way you relate to challenges. You stop seeing yourself as powerless and start recognising your own capacity to grow through difficulty.
Conclusion: What You’ve Learned
When life feels against you, it’s easy to spiral into self-pity, frustration, and resentment. But staying in the “why me?” story keeps you stuck and powerless.
By understanding how your brain seeks comfort, you can see why it resists discomfort, and why growth requires stepping into it. The key reframe, “How could this be happening for me?”, turns even the hardest moments into opportunities to build strength, self-trust, and leadership.
So the next time you feel knocked down by life, remember: the challenge in front of you isn’t proof that you’re failing. It’s training for the person you’re becoming.
If you’re ready to stop feeling like life is happening to you and start leading yourself with clarity and confidence, I invite you to book a Life Audit. It’s a powerful first step to uncover where you’re giving away your power, and how to take it back.
👉 Click here to book your Discovery Call
This blog is inspired by the work I do with my clients during sessions, and brought to you in partnership with AI.
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