The Skill of Making Yourself a Priority (Without Guilt)
Make Yourself a Priority Without Guilt | Jo Renshaw Life Coach, Brighton
Why putting yourself first isn’t selfish — it’s necessary
“I put everyone first and make little time for myself. I cannot rest until everything and everyone around me has what they need.”
Sound familiar?
These are the words of one of my clients during her Discovery Call. And if you’re reading this, I suspect they could just as easily be yours.
You’re doing all the things — the meals, the house, the job, the kids, the partner, the endless loo roll runs. And yet, you rarely take time purely for yourself. When you do, it’s usually only after everything else is ticked off the list.
You might tell yourself, “If I take time for me, then something else will fall apart.” Or even, “If I needed help, I’d be a burden.”
No wonder you feel tired, frustrated, and sometimes a bit sad.
In this blog you’ll learn life coaching for midlife women that will teach you how to make yourself a priority, and how to stop putting yourself last.
Why you feel guilty putting yourself first
One client put it beautifully: “I want to feel important in life and not the co-star.”
But here’s the cycle: you want to matter more, yet you keep acting like everyone else’s needs are more important than yours. You go along with what others suggest, rarely stating what you actually want. You think, “What now? Stop talking…!” because you’re constantly managing other people’s lives instead of your own.
Culturally, women have been conditioned to believe that being selfless is noble and being selfish is shameful. So when you try to take time for yourself, the guilt creeps in.
But let me tell you the truth: not prioritising yourself is a disservice to everyone.
When you are exhausted, snappy, or imploding from the pressure, the people around you feel it. When you are rested, grounded, and present, everyone benefits.
The hidden cost of not prioritising you
When you don’t make space for yourself, this is what happens:
You carry the invisible weight of being everyone’s support system.
You never truly relax — until things build up and you implode.
You stop knowing what you actually want, because your brain is wired to think about what others want first.
One woman in her Discovery Call said: “I feel like life is passing me by and all I’ve done is make sure everyone has had dinner or that there’s loo roll.”
That is the cost of never putting yourself at the centre.
Making yourself a priority is a skill
Here’s the good news: making yourself a priority is not a personality trait you either have or don’t. It’s a skill. You can learn it, practise it, and strengthen it — just like any other.
1. Decide what matters to you
One client said, “I’d like to learn how to prioritise me and how to relax, and how this actually looks like.” Start by deciding one thing this week that’s just for you — time alone, a solo walk, a café morning, or reading in bed.
2. Put it on the calendar
Don’t wait for permission. Don’t wait for others to notice you need it. Decide in advance and schedule it.
3. Expect the pushback — from your own brain
Your thoughts will try to convince you there are “more important things” — the laundry, the homework, the shopping. Expect this. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong to take the time.
4. Hold your boundary
Communicate clearly: “I’m taking this hour for myself.” Not a request, a statement. You’ll be amazed at how people adapt when you decide to value your own time.
5. Evaluate afterwards
Did you feel calmer? More alive? More “you”? Let your brain see the evidence that putting yourself first works.
What life looks like when you go first
Imagine this:
You feel equal in your relationship, not like the “second.”
You don’t collapse under the weight of everyone else’s needs.
You can rest without guilt.
You feel more alive, more important, and more enough.
As one client said at the end of her Discovery Call: “I know that I’m loved, valued and appreciated — but weirdly, I think I could be more so. I don’t want thanks, I want to feel alive.”
That aliveness comes from making yourself a priority — not once in a blue moon, but as a way of life.
Final thought
You don’t have to keep being the co-star in your own life. You don’t have to keep waiting until everyone else is sorted before you matter.
Making yourself a priority isn’t indulgence. It’s leadership.
And you can start today.
Ready to learn the skill of putting yourself first? Book a free Discovery Call and let’s explore how coaching can help you create a life where you are at the centre.
This blog is inspired by the work I do with my clients during sessions, and brought to you in partnership with AI.
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