10 Years Sober: How One Decision Changed My Life, And How It Can Change Yours Too
10 Years Sober | Jo Renshaw Life Coach, Brighton
If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know I stopped drinking in 2015. I meant to quit for one year… and it turned into ten.
This blog isn’t about “how to be sober” or why alcohol is “bad.” In this blog, I won’t be teaching you how to stop drinking without willpower. It's about identity, decision-making, and what becomes possible when you stop negotiating with yourself and start deciding on purpose. You’ll learn the mindset for sobriety, and how to change your relationship with alcohol for good.
By the end of this blog, you’ll learn:
The exact mindset shift that helped me go from Dry January to a decade sober
The Decide–Prep–Fuel–Allow–Feel process I teach clients who want to stop drinking (or change ANY habit)
Why willpower doesn’t work but fuelling yourself with desire and identity change does
How to decide ahead of time, follow through, and feel proud of who you’re becoming
How sobriety became a catalyst for huge emotional, spiritual, and personal expansion
And if you want help creating this kind of shift in your own life, I’ll show you how to work with me at the end.
The Night Everything Changed
For years, I did what so many people did: Dry January. I’d clean up after Christmas, feel refreshed for a short while, and then slip back into my usual drinking patterns. It was familiar and predictable.
When I took up marathon running, things began to change. For my first marathon, I stopped drinking throughout the entire training cycle, as an experiment, to see whether it would improve my performance. It did help, but even then, I still didn’t truly see myself as someone who didn’t drink. Alcohol was simply woven into life in a way I never thought to question.
That changed dramatically at Christmas 2015. I went to my running club’s Christmas party, drank far too much, and ended the night being bundled into a taxi and sent home. The next morning, I missed Brighton’s annual Santa Dash. I had never missed a run before or since. I spent the entire day in bed, feeling awful, watching Eddie Izzard’s documentary Marathon Man. Something about lying there, missing something I loved, while watching someone else stretch the limits of human possibility, stirred something powerful in me.
The Process
I realised that what I needed wasn’t another short-term fix or another January reset. I needed a different way of thinking about alcohol and about myself that would help me build unshakeable self trust (read a blog about unshakeable self trust here, too). What came next became the foundation for the process I now teach my clients: a simple, powerful way to change any habit from the inside out.
1. Decide
I decided I was going to stop drinking for one whole year, no exceptions. Just: I’m doing this. This alone removes 80% of the mental drama.
2. Prep
I prepared for situations, like nights out with friends, before they happened, by reminding myself of why I was doing this.
3. Fuel
I fuelled myself with a single, powerful thought: “I’m a person who doesn’t drink.” Instead of telling myself I couldn’t drink, shouldn’t drink, or was trying not to drink, I focused on who I was becoming. That identity-based thought created calm and certainty in my body, removing all the internal struggle that comes from deprivation.
4. Allow
When the urge came I didn’t resist it or turn it into a dramatic internal struggle. Instead, I allowed myself to feel the urge in my body, noticing the sensations with curiosity rather than fear. I let the discomfort rise and fall without reacting to it, trusting that it would pass on its own. Urges are simply vibrations in the body, harmless in themselves, and they cannot force you to drink unless you act on them.
5. Feel (Ahead of Time + Afterwards)
I imagined how proud I would feel at the end of the year and let that future feeling guide every action I took. After each situation where I didn’t drink, I took time to acknowledge the emotions that followed, pride, clarity, lightness, and the energy that came from honouring my commitment to myself. Recognising these feelings reinforced my new identity and rewired my brain far more quickly than relying on willpower ever could.
What Happened During That Year
In 2016, I ran another marathon, sober, strong, and energised. I moved out of the home I’d lived in for 12 years with my daughter. I also began deep spiritual work with Avanti, my mentor, and experienced a profound personal awakening that helped me understand myself on a deeper level. Looking back, I don’t believe I could have done that work if I’d still been drinking.
I wasn’t a “problem drinker,” but I was drinking far more than I wanted to. A bottle of wine on Friday, another on Saturday, too many hangovers, and far too much anxiety. And speaking of anxiety, it disappeared almost overnight. My sleep improved, my skin cleared, my energy increased, and I felt emotionally steadier and more capable. My decision-making sharpened, my training became stronger, my confidence grew, and my overall sense of self deepened.
Sobriety wasn’t restrictive. It was liberating.
When One Year Became Ten
At the end of 2016, I asked myself, “Why would I want to drink again?” The answer was simple: I didn’t. So I extended the decision and stepped fully into the identity of someone who doesn’t drink. That identity felt grounding, empowering, and deeply aligned with the life I was creating.
Then, something interesting happened. Around the two‑year mark, on my daughter’s 21st birthday, I chose on purpose to have a single glass of champagne. I planned it ahead of time, one glass, on her birthday. It felt lovely, celebratory, intentional. I didn’t want more.
I’ve followed that same approach ever since. Every time I’ve chosen to drink has been pre‑decided, intentional, and limited to one. There’s no negotiation inside my brain, just peace and calm.
If You’re Sober-Curious, Cutting Back, or Wanting a Change…
You don’t need to wait for a rock‑bottom moment, label yourself, or justify wanting to feel better. You can simply decide to be a person who drinks less, or not at all, and make that choice from a place of clarity and self compassion rather than crisis. This kind of change doesn’t require drama or deprivation. With the right support, structure, and emotional tools, you can create a relationship with or without alcohol that genuinely aligns with the life you want to lead.
Ready for Your Own Personal Transformation?
If this blog resonates, and you’re curious about what your life could feel like with:
more clarity
less anxiety
more energy
calmer decision-making
deeper self-trust
…then it may be time to work together.
I help high-achieving women (and men) stop undermining themselves, build self-trust, and create lives they feel proud of, whether the goal is sobriety, confidence, identity work, or creating lasting change.
👉 Click here to book a Discovery Call
We’ll talk about what you want to change, what’s getting in the way, and how coaching can help you create the next version of your life with intention.
Here’s the most important truth I learned from ten years sober:
When you change your thoughts about who you are, everything else becomes possible.
This blog is inspired by the work I do with my clients during sessions, and brought to you in partnership with AI.
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